here's where the story ends

o, when they tap our mundane heads,
To zombie-walk in our stead,
This town seems hardly worth our time,
And we'll no longer memorize or rhyme,
To fall along in our crime,
Stepping over what now towers to the sky,
With no connection.

i don't know why, but i've had pavement's crooked rain, crooked rain and the sundays' reading, writing, and arithmetic on repeat.

today j & i went out to the columbia river gorge. we stopped at three waterfalls, the biggest being multnomah falls. the falls were beautiful even with an icy spray to the face and icy sliding down the path. i love that i get to experience geography that is so different.

it's like stepping into some hidden, quiet world.

a secret.

did you ever wonder if Jezebel was a revolutionary?

bb and i ventured over to powell's to attend norah vincent's reading.

so much about her is astounding. she's a hot, hot lady on the outside, but then she opens her mouth to speak, slightly shy and quickly gaining confidence. her contact with her audience is genuine and remarkable. and her vocabulary? oh jeez, already. i was ready to dump neko off at the laundry and get myself a new piece of arm candy. i raced through self-made man. it was so interesting to experience dialogue concerning men and men's sexuality and emotions and achilles' heels...especially in a new city.

(don't you love how i just pretended that i stroll along with neko case?)

i can't shake the feeling i got from "baby c'mon" last saturday.

AND two rows in front of us sat tegan!

you're the kind of girl i like

So drunk in the August sun
And you're the kind of girl I like
Because you're empty and I'm empty
And you can never quarantine the past
Did you remember in December
That I won't eat you when I'm gone
And if I go there, I won't stay there
Because I'm sitting here too long
I've been sitting here too long
And I've been wasted
Advocating that
Word for the last word
Last words come up
All you've got to waste



after staring at stephen malkmus for the past 2 hours or so, i am still blinded by this ringing thought. all i see are those passages in Love Is a Mix Tape where rob talks about renee and how they used music to communicate. pavement was a binder for them, common ground in a shared life that was already common. i couldn't shake that thought while the jicks pounded through songs new and old. i wonder: does stephen malkmus know how much he meant to that fuzzy headed girl? does he know how many times his creations played over a radio in an old cranky Lebaron, barreling down dusty highways in virginia?

mr. malkmus, do you know?

(on a side note, the best thing stephen malkmus ever did for his career was add janet weiss to his lineup. JESUS that lady is fierce.)

lord byron was my party guest...

you are the subject of many conversations and the focus of many jealousies among friends and would-be lovers.

this anonymous you who has intrigued me....and you're still anonymous.

i want to ask you so many questions. do you like sunsets? do you want to see the pictures i took at White Sands, New Mexico? did we ever have coffee or tea once upon a time? can i make a mix tape for you? no, like a real TAPE. will you share more words with me?

oh. there's too many to ask. and now i miss your presence. and i have no name, no face, no fingerprint to associate with that presence.

for someone in the shadows

For what rite shall we cross our swords?
A dance? Before what sort of tryst?
Why threaten me with negative,
In your promise of a new twist

To my existence? Dare I ask
Exactly what's in store for me,
If I succumb to your request,
Which I find irresistably

Compelling. Who, and what are you;
To dare sway an escort of Death?
To make me look another way?
To cause me to bestill my breath?

this comet in your heart and it's growing

listening to this new Shins album makes me feel like all is right with the world. things are balanced for just this hour i'm listening.

welcome home.

is there any song or album that makes you feel like that?

i was going through my boxes of cds last night and busted out my copy of the 10,000 Maniacs MTV Unplugged disc. SHIT. i forgot how much i loved the tune 'jezebel.'

this album came out in 1993 and i remember buying it as soon as it hit the shelves. i was fucking 12 years old, hurting with every note from natalie merchant's voice.

this book (love is a mix tape) is doing something to me.

anticipating and waiting

really. seriously.


i am love with this book. i have recently been really into reading the creations of music writers. first there was the love affair with chuck klosterman. then there is the impending arrival of And It Don't Stop: 25 Years of the Best Hip Hop Journalism. now there is this...of all the mix tapes (yes, most are cds, but who's counting??) i have made for people or intended to make, none compare to the words this man has put together. each chapter has its own mix tape as he tells the story of how he met the girl of his dreams, the one who adored music just as much, if not more, than he did. then they get married and then tragedy happens. who's left standing? rob sheffield and his massive collection of mix tapes.

GO GET THIS BOOK RIGHT NOW.

i want you to read it and then call me so we can gush over the phone about music from the 90s.

yo--keep ya eyes closed

3 things about music for today:

1) i will raid Jackpot records (here in portland) for all their booty. they were *actually* playing an elliott smith track on their outdoor speakers on sunday. don't they know?

2) listen to the new apples in stereo. i really like the track 'energy'--go myspace it.

3) if you're into listening to new hip hop as i am, find Stimulus and listen to Racing Against the Sun. that is, if you've already heard the Nas album 'Hip Hop is Dead.'

fin.

ya heard?

And finally...

since i didn't want to leave anyone hanging on at mt. shasta (seriously, if i ever have a kid, that child will be named Shasta), we finally rolled into Portland at 11 pm New Year's Day and silently unloaded the stuff from my teeny car into my new bedroom in a house settled on N. Mississippi Avenue. it's a really cute neighborhood. although i think i might have fallen in love with the mount shasta community. i think when i'm feeling the need for some zen, i'll go there. okay, anyway...the house is cool and has so many hidden rooms that include a sassy, 50s style bar. the owner of the house lives on the bottom floor with her 3 dogs (one is a shaggy dog lookalike, one looks like a black MAX!!!, and the smallest, penny, is the cutest baby i've ever seen. also hanging out with those guys is franklin, the weirdest beagle. he really is a strange gentleman) and then a girl who looks like bjork (minus any goose dresses) lives on the top floor. i'm in between on the ground floor by myself, but with the common living spaces. i have a blue bedroom with a built-in bookshelf upon which i placed my photo of the ravaged MS gulf coast. AND the guest bedroom is also part of my space for projects like sewing (which i have sworn to myself that i will be doing) or knitting. so all of yous readers buy that plane ticket and head up here. you have a place to stay with a real bed that doesn't blow up and sit on the floor. since being here, i have had scrumptious sushi and gone for locally brewed stout at a place called chapel pub. it's a bar in a former funeral home and it's across from the abbey which currently advertises "SIN ALL THE DAMN TIME. GO TEAM EVIL." and it's all within walking distance of my house. yes! i'm still really nervous about exploring things and getting lost, but i have obtained a Thomas Guide that has a million little street maps in it. to get it, i went to NW Portland to a bookstore called Powell's where i could have spent all damn day. it's the largest independent bookstore in the u.s. then what is the strand?

i still need a job. it's weird to have a lot of time to do whatever i'd like. i'm not used that. since 14 i have worked all the time...summers i worked, school breaks i worked...i worked close to 40 hours a week in addition to a full load of classes in college. then i started working at the ISJL when i was still a senior. i don't know really what it's like to have time to burn.

THE SUN IS OUT. hurrah!

i miss everyone. a lot. it hit me yesterday after i took k$ to the airport that i'm HERE and i'm not just visiting. i'm a ball of emotion between being excited about a new present and exploring to being nervous about meeting new people and doing new things and finding a job and reconciling feelings about things back home. and that's just it--i finally call jackson home. that's the strangest part about all of this. i hope everyone had a glorious new year. i gave a hearty middle finger to 2006 in my southern comfort-induced tipsy and a welcome hug to 2007. what did all of you do? i'd like hear holiday stories, good and bad. i've got a bit of emotional homesickness, so i'd like to hear from you either here or by email or if you want, gimme a call and i'll tell you the rest of the details of the panty-stealers. :)

Pictures coming....

Final Day of Driving (December 31-Jan 1)

...and we stopped at Mount Shasta. it will put us getting into portland later, but i'm so glad we stopped here. there are shamans everywhere and tibetan meditation rooms. in addition to new mexico (bb, i want to camp at white sands!), i could possibly live here, too. snow everywhere and a place called middle earth crystal room.

so the story on why we're so late in the trip. in the wee hours yesterday morning our motel room phone rings and i thought maybe k$ had arranged for an early wake up call. no such luck. all i heard was her say, "OH SHIT." someone had broken out the back passenger side door window in my car. what did they take, you ask?

MY BAG OF PANTIES.

yes. i'm not kidding. when i say i left my panties in san fran, i literally mean it. i had a small luggage bag packed up with all the panties, bras and socks that i didn't pack in my little overnight bag of clothes for the trip. i had every other garment vacuum packed in my trunk. that person must feel like a right asshole right now. THEY TOOK MY PANTIES. now i have to go replace all my underwears and socks. including my funky new socks i just bought at the gap. this led to our adventure in finding someone to replace the window on a sunday that also happened to be new year's eve. that takes us to oakland at 3 pm yesterday, which is when we had planned to be at the oregon border. finally, dragos finds the part and i pay out of pocket for now and will wait on insurance reimbursement. so we're talking to dragos in a freakin' mcdonald's parking lot in oakland and i ask where he's from considering his accent.

he says, "what do you mean? where do you think i'm from??"
and i said, "well, you have an accent. where's the accent from, then?"
"eastern europe."
"oh really? where in eastern europe?" (cue look at his face that tells me i probably shouldn't have asked that.)
"do you know where yugoslavia used to be?"
"yes." (SHIT. i felt like such a bastard for asking now. i gave him an extra 20. guilt gets into my pockets quickly.)in the time we were waiting to hear from him (about 10 am after finding him on craigslist after calling every auto glass place in the bay area. maybe 40 or so phone calls.) we went to fisherman's wharf and ate some awesome dungeness crab and bay shrimp. thank god i'm not a kosher jew. :) went shopping and bought some crap. finally leave oakland, then back to SF so we can see the golden gate bridge. then on to a twisted route back to I-5. finally stopped in redding, ca, because i was too tired to drive any longer and i wanted to have my bourbon at midnight. cue today, which has been beautiful driving weather.

portland, get ready.

Day 5-6 (Dec. 30-31)

...and then my car was broken into.

Day 5 (December 31, 2006)

we're in san francisco and decided at 3 pm we must stay here. I HAVE NEVER SEEN SO MANY LESBIANS IN MY LIFE. so after a stroll around chinatown (we're staying downtown) and a few phone calls, k$ and i were directed to a place (in san francisco) called The Cat Club, where it was Lesbian Night, evidently. god bless karen for indulging my love of women. when i said that i had never seen so many lesbians in one place, super-straight karen replied, "and HOT ones, too! i always thought most lesbians were like rosie o'donnell."
awesome.
there were seriously like a million hot women all dancing to "Push It" and "Poison" by bel biv devoe. i loved this place. they were playing that drug episode of saved by the bell on the screens as well as clips from a Soul Train dancer audition and the video for new kids on the block's "step by step."more later. i'm a wee drunk and our cab almost caused a ginormous wreck on folsom. one day i might have to move here. JESUS. i mean, MOSES.

Day 4 (December 30)

OMG. i have never driven so much in one day. we're about 200 miles south of san francisco after coasting around los angeles. after valencia (O! Valencia was, in fact, sung on the way in), we went through a mountain pass that was all at once the most beautiful night sight and the scariest. there was a 6 degree decline that made us feel as though we were riding an uncontrolled roller coaster. the mountains at night were luminous with their snowcaps reflecting in the moonlight. our intention was to drive much further and get as close to SF as possible so that we can have lots of time to burn tomorrow. however, after the scary pass, i needed to get out of the car asap. k$ said she closed her eyes for much of it because there was a semi-truck that was burning his brakes so as not to go out of control around the pass. there was even a "runaway truck" lane on the OPPOSITE SIDE OF I-5 from the Truck Lane. we both were slightly interested in knowing what that might look like (without death or harm to anyone, of course) to see a runaway eighteen-wheeler sliding down the mountain. so now i'm super tense and really excited about tomorrow.

we DID get to Joshua Tree and i photographed a specter (or? sp?) which was in all probability gram parsons. ;) it was gorgeous up in the little san bernadino mtns. beautiful colors off of the sunset. i'm beyond exhausted and tomorrow i have to be up for a super gay ol' time!

tucson to bakersfield, ca:

the decemberists--her majesty

tift merritt--tambourine

jay-z--the black album

the roots--game theory

bob dylan--rolling thunder revue

Day 3 (December 29, 2006)

finally got to tucson about 1130. staying at a sketchy travelodge that smells like curry. mmmmm...currrrryyyyy. heard a rumor that we were abducted since i was briefly unavailable by phone. my little car made it through the san augustin mountain pass! the san andres mountains were beautiful. tomorrow we're going to go past los angeles toward bakersfield. i'm so excited about JOSHUA TREE national park. maybe i'll run into the spirit of gram parsons and we can hang amongst the scorpions and snakes.

say a good luck prayer for us, please.

to tucson soundtrack:
neil young--harvest (again, i know. the geography called for it.)
m.i.a.--arular
joni mitchell--blue

December 27, 2006 (Day 2)

Day 2 of Wheels on Fire Aught 6:

so we finished up in dallas and rolled out headed to roswell. saw some cool stuff on that side of texas and k$ had never been past dallas, so it was a cool experience for both of us. she also got to drive my car for something like the 3rd time ever. i keep thinking about what my mom said to me when she hugged me goodbye. i do hope i find what i'm looking for. and maybe i'll just find it in the looking, you know?

dallas to roswell soundtrack:
wilco--yankee hotel foxtrot
iron & wine--woman king EP
bob dylan--highway 61 revisited
duncan's For Neola mix (SHOUT to D: dude knows how to make a mix!)
neil young--harvest
neko case--fox confessor brings the flood (why do you think i'm even bothering with tucson?? i have to convince this woman to marry me.)

tomorrow's touring the alien sites and sending postcards.

onward to tucson!

December 27, 2006

yesterday we left much later than we planned...about 3 hours late because it took a while to get this strap fixed on my car. this was an essential repair considering it was to hold my gas tank in place. anyway, said our goodbyes and i cried on my mom because when she was hugging me she said, "i hope you find what you're looking for..."my mom is so cool. the drive was easy and i pulled out of jackson to the song i've been thinking about for months: Grateful Dead's "Box of Rain"--what a perfect song.

the soundtrack after that:
grateful dead--american beauty
neola's booty mix
weezer--pinkerton
red party 2 (from a party long ago...including old school hip hop)
bob marley--gold
counting crows--august and everything after

dallas has been eh and right now we're sitting in the gayest coffee house i have EVER BEEN. it's called Buli and some hot lady just walked in. i hope k$ forgives my ogling. :) so on to roswell we go today...we're giving up on getting to amarillo this trip in favor of more time in the new mexico blue sky.

onward!