Hey Momma, look at me/I'm on my way to the promised land/I'm on the highway to hell

Crack open the goddamn champagne!


Jerry Falwell says that I can go to heaven. Thank you, Jerry Falwell. I can sleep at night now knowing what you know. And thank YOU, Jerry Falwell, for clearing these things up. And Jerry Falwell, while you're patting yourself on the back, how about you just take my foot and SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS.


DAMMIT! Foiled again!

Welp, just kidding. Because I thought if Jerry Falwell said it, then it must be true. I mean, just look at him--he's all sexy in that MEGA-CHURCHY way.

Speaking of megachurchy, have you seen Kirk Cameron's show lately? What a hottie! That Mike Seaver should has grown up to be so...pious.












Makes me go all vomitous. I even tried to call the TBN (anybody remember the purple haired lady that used to be on there...like Tammy Faye x a billion and on ecstasy? anybody?) hotline last night to rip a new asshole about the presentation of Christian theology to passersby. I also wanted to know what other shows they'll be doing about sinnin'...the one last night was about homosexuality. I wanted to know the program schedule so I can have my popcorn ready for the show about Why You Can't Wear Wool and Cotton Together...OOO or the Do Not Breed Horses and Donkeys Together to Make Mules show. Or OOOO! Shaving is a S-I-N show. I can't wait for them.

Anyway, so I called the number on the screen to suggest these show ideas to Kirk, and I got the prayer line and they gave me a number for an office that was closed. So..TBN is praying for me right now. I feel so blessed.

Shut up, Kirk Cameron.