Til I see you around, til we clear the accounts

I have this problem.


I keep the New Pornographers' song "Challengers" on repeat. I think it is a testament to Carl Newman's songwriting abilities that this song has kept me so engaged. It's such a beautiful letter for "Hi. I like you, but....maybe later?"

And this whole discussion that will lead to my amazement at how Neko Case's face reflects the hopeful sadness in the video, etc, is actually a distraction keep me from talking about the real reason for this post.

I quit my job Monday.
I gave notice to my landlord this evening.

This move is really happening. Meditating on this the past few days, I've seen Portland in a new light. My eyes are not mine recently, or maybe they are and are irrevocably changed. While I'm looking forward to seeing family and friends, welcoming the touch of humidity to my face and hearing the familiar music of the Southern accent(s), I am feeling fiercely loyal to my current city, my Portland.

I have been making a mental list of things I will miss, what I will not miss, things I never experienced here. The first list seems to be the longest: regular recycling, bike lanes, Cacao, happy hours with my coworkers/friends, my housemates, my B, Mount St. Helens' silhouette, La Bonita, dance nights, the Skidmore Bluffs. . .

It will be interesting to surf couches and cities and embrace a new life on the road (for a time). I wonder if I'll find anything to replace these things (never B or other B). Ha! I talk so much about feeling unsettled and needing "home," and here I go making the road my home.